On behalf of British Telecom I resolve to fully open the Post Office Tower to the public, allowing entry to the viewing platform for a reasonable fee.
On behalf of the writers of gallery interpretation labels everywhere, I resolve to stop using words like ‘interrogates’ ‘explores’ and ‘questions’ to describe works that mostly don’t.
On behalf of Amanda Nevill, I resolve to resign as director of the British Film Institute.
On behalf of intelligent women, I resolve to fall in love with intelligent men instead of dicks.
On behalf of parents, I resolve to stop taking my kids to packed blockbuster art shows, which only bores them shitless and puts an extra body in everyone else’s way.
On behalf of Greenwich and Lewisham Councils I resolve to set off 2007’s Blackheath fireworks to the sound of Kraftwerk instead of John Barry.
On behalf of Southeastern Trains I resolve to run a service home that leaves Charing Cross later than midnight, and on behalf of my fellow commuters I resolve to move down the carriage a bit more in the morning.
On behalf of the weather I resolve to be a bit less fucked up generally.